So I think I might give up TV for a while. Right now I’m watching a replay of the Nadal/Murry “dream-quarter” of the Australian Open. And while I really do enjoy a good tennis match, I’m watching TV, again. Whether it’s this show or that show or this “reality” competition or some other sporting event, here I sit, watching it on TV. These guys are out there trying to win the damn Australian Open, and I’m paying someone else so I can sit and watch’em do it. I’d like to turn this 42” plasma into a mirror so I could sit and stare at myself staring at something for hours on end. I’m sorry but I know far too much about the life and times of people in Salem (Yes, thats Days of our Lives Salem) to justify watching another second of television. Enough of this high-def hypnosis.

Think about Federer? What it must feel like to be an athlete at the pinnacle of that sport. The freedom of movement their bodies must have. Agile and precise. The sheer central nervous system processing power. The dedication it must have taken to develop such a synergy of mind and body.

I’ve tasted that. I’ve even seen it up close. (And I have a Nick Bollettieri Reserved Parking space sign to prove it.) Now, I basically live my life in a 90 degree angle. Sometimes on wheels, sometimes prone in bed, sometimes staggering unbalanced up a flight of stairs and sometimes hanging over a treadmill struggling to steer this broken vehicle down the infinite road to nowhere.

Focus.

I envy the focus of these athletes that achieve greatness. I envy the focus of anyone that can resolve the infinite possibilities that life presents us with and zero in on one point of success or accomplishment. Those who put the time in, work and who can chisel away at something for years sculpting their own destiny.  Those who manifest. I would like to have that focus. Alas, no matter how much I stare, the TV will not provide it. What does it take to be really good at something anyway. Can we all be “Federer good” at one thing? I’ve heard say there is a 10,000 hour rule. 10,000 hours huh? Ok, lets get started. What am I gunna do now?

But I’m interested in so much. Care Code, exercise, technical analysis of the stock market, software development, video editing, chaos, writing and the list goes on.
There is so much I want to do and learn about and the worst part is feeling like I have shortened the time I have to do it in with this injury. If not from lack of motion and being sedentary then from wear and tear on a body with poor circulation and various other “complications”.  Some muscle groups on and hyperactive and some off, already dead. It’s kinda like being torn apart from within. Not to be so graphic or morbid but sometimes the words just fit. It’s funny, I can write the most horrible things with a smile on my face when I feel that I have accurately expressed myself.

Focus. How can I lead a fast paced, go get’em, kick ass and take names lifestyle when everything takes me 3, 4 or 10 times longer to accomplish. I get up, go to the bathroom, take a shower, get dressed and hours have gone by and now I’m exhausted because I’ve basically been fighting my own body to accomplish these mundane things that most people can do without thinking or much effort. How can I achieve any velocity or momentum in my life when it is literally riddled with speed bumps?  I have a family now and along with it, tremendous pressure to provide for them. Sure Mandy will continue working, but I know she would rather be with Emilie and that going back to work will tear a little piece of her heart out. Having Emilie is the best thing that has ever happened to us, but it’s also a reminder of how much this injury will continue to effect our lives. But, so will my daughter. Can I use her as a lens to help focus my life? Lead by example right?

Wow. As I was writing this Nadal just retired with a knee injury. I hope he’s ok.

Gotta go, after that the TV is gettin shut off..